A Toast to Life, Motherhood and Health.

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Beginning of journaling
This morning, I woke up this morning. Katelyn was messing with everything, playing with the electric plugs. Sebastain pee'd all over the bed and was yelling about the underwear he didnt want to wear. He won this battle. I sat there frustrated cause Katelyn was crying in the living room and I couldnt find Sebastian any clothes cause I havent done laundry in 2 weeks. Katelyn is dressed in a dress 2 sizes too big, and I resorted to my bridesmaid dress cause I have nothing comfortable to wear and i can actually breathe in this thing. I really need to get some laundry sorted and put up. It has become overwhelming the amount of clothes we have to wash and put away. The extra person in our house has increase the laundry by 2 loads and now I just dont want to do it at all. Amy decided to go get tacos before I go to work, instead she went grocery shopping instead and didnt walk back in the door until 8:20. It bothers me that she doesnt hold my job important enough, that she doesnt care that I am late. Got to work and felt guilty for being late. Layoffs happening again. Work was fine, Went to lunch withmy friend Jennifer, had Peiwei, did relatively well on points. Went shopping for school clothes. Man do I LOVE shopping for other people. Bought Cactus, and Sebastain some school clothes. Feel accomplished cause At least they have enough to get them thru their first week at school. Drank 2 cups of coffee and feeling jittery. Thinking I should lay off the caffiene. Dreading going home.. going home is like a box of chocolates.. you never know what your gonna get. Worried about Sebastian starting Pre-K. Amy has been at his beck and call for 4 years, he isnt really potty trained and it is so hard to control things when I am not there. If I could just stay at home with my kids. I MUST schedule my time better. Teeth brushed, showers, stability.. All of these are important when being a parent. Why cant I get these things in the routine. I brush my kids teeth every other day.. maybe. BAD mom of the year right here! I really need to get Katelyn off the bottle... being a mom is hard work.,

So After work, I left work at 430, I went to pick up a portable fridge for her father, then went to pick up a band book for Cactus, then went to get him clothes for back to school. I answer my phone..and I get a THREE HOUR TOUR.. loud in my ear.. why arnt you home she says.. i remind her its been only an hour 1/2 since I left work. I also remind her that i was doing all of this for her kid and her father.. and she says she is frustrated cause of all the kids.. All day went fine until.. of course, i get home... As I am driving home to the bitch that is gripeing at me... I think of coming and picking my children up from a stranger and them telling me how wonderful my kids are.. with out the griping.. walking it to my house.. however i left it.. clean or not.. how ever I left it.. .without loud or chaos. it's the weekend. yeah ( sarcasm )... and its only 7:15.

-- really want to join a gym. to be out in public with other people. $ will be tight, Sebastian in private school.. OUCH!


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